You. No, I’m kidding. All I want for Christmas is peace. Peace of mind and soul. Peace in my heart. Deep peace inside of me regardless external circumstances.
Being in peace is so hard. Being still is even harder. We run around like a mad people without any particular reason. We let ourselves get involved into Christmas madness, we miss the point of celebrating, we focus on wrong things. We are never in peace. We are taken by chaos.
I’m a perfect example of a mad person. I suffer from anxiety and I’m way too hyperactive. I’m never in peace with myself, I’m barely in peace with the world. I always fight for something, I always struggle. I like to struggle a bit but I’m way beyond a bit.
All I want for Christmas is peace.
During 27 years of my life I spent Christmas far away from my family only once. It happened when I was living in Israel and at that moment, as my visa was in process, I couldn’t leave the country. It was rather terrible experience as I missed my family badly and felt very lonely and upset. This time the situation is way different as I chose to be far away and experience something new. I want to spent this Christmas in peace.
For the second time in my life I’m not going to sit on the table with my whole family and have a Christmas Eve supper. The thought of spending this day somewhere else and missing this important family gathering was always terrifying but it changed last year when I realize that the magic of that day was gone and it was just very tense and full of unnecessary work time of the year. I won’t go into details because it’s very personal (not that I don’t share personal things here but maybe not this one and not this time) but simply I felt that I want to be far away and spent this time “my way”.
I felt like I can’t bare this madness anymore and I need to reconnect with myself.
When leaving to Asia one and a half month ago I didn’t know where I’m gonna be on this specific date and I really didn’t care about that too much to be honest. I knew that there is no Christmas in Asia and I was completely fine with that. Right now I’m in Cambodia and it is 30 degrees outside – as you can imagine this weather is completely opposite to what I’m used to experiencing during Christmas time in Poland. There is almost no decoration or anything that would make me feel like Christmas is coming so until few days ago I didn’t even remember that this important time of the year is right around the corner.
I realized that it’s really happening only when I opened my Facebook (after almost two weeks of not using it) and I saw my feed – everything in there was about the winter and Christmas! I looked through some of the posts and pictures and realized something very shocking: I felt nothing.
I didn’t feel sad that I’m not participating in Christmas madness this time and I felt happy that I’m in a warm place right now. It felt good to be far away.
Of course I feel some kind of melancholy when I think about all my family members, yummy dishes and Christmas presents but I also feel peaceful and calm knowing that this year I will skip all the stress related to Christmas preparations.
All I want for Christmas is peace.
I wish you all beautiful and full of peace holidays. Doesn’t matter what are you celebrating, just enjoy it when it last and don’t allow the holiday’s madness to take over you.
My plan is to sit along the river, read and write while having some coconut for lunch.
Wesołych Świąt, Merry Christmas and Feliz Navidad!