Diving deep into life – starting 2015 without fear

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
Almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

– Steve Jobs

That’s what I think about almost every day. Many people can’t even say the word dying out loud – they are terrified of the idea of leaving the earth hoping that it won’t happen to them for at least next 80 years. Well, the truth is, it can happen even today. Doesn’t matter if you are young or old, healthy or sick. It really doesn’t matter. Your life can end much sooner than you expect. You can live every day, every moment, as if it was your last day on the earth or you can keep planning and wondering about the future that unfortunately might never arrive. You can fight the fear of unknown and go for things that you are passionate about or you can stay in the comfort zone and have very calm and safe life. Either way you might never get where you wanna be but at least you can try to do so. The choice is yours.

I have the idea of my life ending present every time I make a big decision. I understand how fragile the life is and honestly, I’m not afraid of death. I’m afraid of the physical pain but that’s another story.

What is my New Year resolution? Well, I decided that I won’t let the fear of unknown to stop me. I decided that I’m gonna be brave and make scary decisions. I decided that I will dive into life remembering that I will die soon. I want to remember that everything will pass. Everything will finish. The good and the bad.

People often ask me from where I take the courage to live the way I do, from where I take the courage to make scary decisions; well, I don’t think I have more courage than anyone else, I’m just trying not to let the fear stop me. I’ve crossed so many lines since I left for the trip couple of months ago. I didn’t realize how many stereotypes and boundaries are limiting me from doing what I really want and becoming who I really want to be. Again, slowly slowly, I’m overcoming my fears and breaking the boundaries that are stopping me from having the life I want.

When I decided to quit my shitty job few years ago I was scared. I was even more scared when I decided to break up an important relationship, move to another country again or invest all my saving in becoming a dive master. I’m exactly the same as most of the people, I’m scared of changes and I’m scared of unknown but I try really hard not to let the fear overcome me.

Being brave is not the only new resolution I set for myself. 2014 was a year full of surprises, unexpected changes, moments of purest joy and deepest sadness. Last year was somehow transitional, I can’t call it the best year of my life but I wouldn’t call it the worse either. One thing is sure, last year was lacking a balance – I was or extremely happy or terribly unhappy and jumping between those two made me really exhausted. I decided that the 2015 will be a year of not only making brave decisions but also of grounding and finding internal peace.

2013 was a year of discovering joy and happiness, 2014 was a year of transition and hopefully 2015 will be a year of finding my life purpose and my real self. No matter how far I will have to go and how deep I will have to dive – I want to try new things without fear, overcome my limits and go through life without worrying too much about the future. The future that might never come.

In the beginning of 2014 I wrote:

In the end of the year people always complain that the time flies. I don’t mind time flying because every day that passes I become happier and happier. Maybe when I get to the point that life won’t be so much fun anymore I might want to stop it. For now, I love the fact that the time flies and I can fly with it. I’ve learnt to cherish small things. Good talk, good coffee, good sex and so on. It took me around 25 years to get to the point when I really started to appreciate my life and everything that comes with it. All the experiences that I’ve gained while living in Spain and Israel made me discover important things about myself and helped me become the person that I really want to be. I can’t say that I’m fully shaped but definitely every year I’m closer and closer. Time flies in a good direction for me.

So 2013 flew very fast, was very dynamic, full of changes and discoveries. I was flying with time and I was completely happy with it. I still carry this happiness inside of me, I still appreciate my life, I still think that living in Spain and Israel were one of the best things that ever happened to me. I still dance when I listen to my favorite song, still laugh out loud and still do silly things (this will never change).

2014 was a year of some important moves, some painful endings and fresh beginning but it was a chaotic year that brought a lot of imbalance to my life.

This year I don’t wanna fly, this year I wanna dive, I wanna dive deep inside the ocean and deep inside myself. I want to discover what is there, in a place where the day light can’t reach, in a place when we don’t look so often. I want to be scared and yet go for things. After all, all we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us.

Time is free but it’s priceless, you can’t own it but you can use it. You can’t keep it but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.