New beginning, tropical fever and complete meltdown

I consider myself a lucky person. Lot of good things are constantly happening in my life – I look for them and I do help my luck but still I can’t say that everything that ever happened to me was a result of a hard work. Unfortunately, sometimes luck decide to turn against me and I find myself dealing with shit. Sometimes A LOT of shit.

It’s never a good moment to get sick but there are definitely few situations that you really want to stay healthy. One of them could be possibly the time when you know that you gonna travel for more than 38 hours, have long layovers on 3 airports and take 5 planes to finally reach your destination. Can you imagine better moment to get tropical fever? I can’t.

The day I was leaving Philippines was hard as it was – I had to say goodbye to diving for a while, give last hug to my friends and prepare mentally for a very long trip to Auckland. I was upset that I had to leave, I was feeling insecure about my next adventure and I definitely didn’t wanted to be on the plane for that long.

I took my first flight to Manila where I spent the whole night sleeping on the floor waiting for my flight to Singapore. Few hours flight and another few hours of waiting. Although the airport in Singapore was really comfy and I kind of rested I knew that I had to catch another 8 hours flight to Melbourne and as I was flying  with low cost airlines I knew that it won’t be the most comfortable trip ever.

My legs started to hurt exactly the same way when I got very sick in Thailand but I thought that the pain came from sitting for too long and carrying my backpack for the first time after few months of break. Somehow AGAIN it didn’t come to my mind that I can be developing a fever – only when I was on my way to Australia and felt very very cold I realized that I have a fever. Well, everyone has to deal with a fever now and then but that wasn’t a regular.

The fever was raising and I started to get cold and hot flushes, my body was shaking and all the bones and muscles aching very much. My lower back was killing me but I couldn’t do much about that – I had no strength to stand up and I was really trying my best to fall asleep. Of course I didn’t manage to fall asleep and when I reach the moment that I couldn’t take it anymore I’ve asked the stewardess if she had some painkillers. Unfortunately, she told me that she can’t give me any medicine and that I have to wait till we arrive to Melbourne.

Well, it was just getting worse and worse and when we landed I wasn’t really able to walk by myself. Cabin crew had to help me to get out of the plane and asked me if they should call an ambulance. The last thing I wanted was to get stuck in Australia, miss my plane to Auckland and receive a hospital bill that I would never be able to pay. I’ve tried to pretend that I’m feeling a bit better but let’s be honest, nobody would believe that as I was barely walking and constantly shivering. They kind of tried to stop me on the airport but I think they realized that if I have some tropical shit it’s better not to keep me in the country and so they put me on the plane to New Zealand.

I swear I have no idea how I’ve done that but I managed to message a friend and ask her to book me any accomodation next to the Auckland’s airport. I knew I won’t be able to make it to the city and the only thing I was dreaming about was to buy some more pills and lie in bed. Finding a rom wasn’t easy because it the Gay Parade was happening that day in Auckland and everything was fully booked. I ended up staying in a very expensive hotel that was basically the only place that had some rooms available.

I still don’t wanna think about how much it cost and how much it ruined my budget but it was or that or going directly to emergencies. I’ve figured out that the hotel will be still cheaper than hospital bed so I went for it.

I was feeling so miserable and the fever wouldn’t go away. The pain I was experiencing all over my body was just insane and the painkillers that I was taking wouldn’t do much of a difference. Taxi took me to the hotel and when I finally checked in I started to cry. I was feeling so sick, there was no one to take care of me and I didn’t know how I’m gonna make it through. I wanted to believe that I will get better without any medical assistance but I was scared that it won’t happen.

I’ve drugged myself enough to fall asleep but the sleep wouldn’t bring any relief. I had a terrible nightmares and the fever was just getting worse and worse – I dragged myself to the shower and spent there couple of hours. I could not think of a better idea to cool down my. Cold water was streaming down my shaking body and half-conscious thought were spinning around my head.

I was cursing my life and my desire to travel. I was cursing my character that makes me wonder around instead of settling down in a safe household. I was hating myself for traveling alone, I was pitting myself for not having any help and was wondering what will happen If I die there. The fever was so high that I had flashback from the past – I saw people and places, I was traveling back in time seeing my younger self, I was feeling so much at the same time. The fever wouldn’t let go for many long hours, I was so exhausted.

The day after I was feeling slightly better but I still didn’t have strength to do anything. I had a lot of lying in bed time, lot of time to think about my life, my future and my past.

So here I am, finally reached New Zealand – place that I was waiting to be at for so long. So much happened during the last few months, so much changed. I have new dreams and new desires, I have new goals and new places I wanna be at. It’s so hard to be back in civilization after leaving in rural Philippines. It’s so hard to be here. It’s beautiful, it’s amazing…but it’s just hard. I need a time to adjust, time to feel myself again.

The fever is gone, I’ve been feeling really good for the last two days but the nightmare of that trip is still following me. I feel so confused and so lost. I’m going to give myself some time and then see what I do.

Oh New Zealand…let’s become friends, OK?

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