It’s been 3 months since I’ve published my last blog post. A bit more than 3 months since I came back to Europe from New Zealand and a bit less than 3 months that I’ve been working in diving again. Although the calendar says that it’s been only few months since the last time I felt inspired to write (and that was after the scary Malaga experience), for me it was an eternity.
It’s not like the things were always going right for me and I could easily find the time and energy to be creative – I can honestly say that during this year there were times that I had much less of a free time and yet, I had the energy and inspiration to write. Not this time.
It would be just too easy to say that I haven’t been doing so because I’ve been working too much lately. It’s not exactly a lie because since I started to work as a Divemaster in Gran Canaria I really don’t have the time to do much but that shouldn’t be an excuse as I had much less time when I was living in Philippines and yet I always found the time and energy to write or photograph.
The fact that I’ve been felling really bad about abandoning my baby blog didn’t help as well. Instead of motivating myself I was just feeling shitty about not being able to get any writing done. And yes, I’ve tried few times but nothing really came out of that. I was too tired and felt stuck. Big times.
It’s hard to say whether it came from “I don’t really have anything to say” or “I have so much to say that I don’t know how”, but as a results I went months without writing or doing anything that would give me a sense of a deeper purpose again. I’ve just changed into a working machine with no life after working hours.
Now, I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me but that’s actually true – my life for the past 2 and a half months was just work, work, work and a bit more of work. Yes, it was work underwater, yes, I’ve learnt a lot, yes I enjoyed most of that journey but I got to the point that I can’t stand it anymore. There is much more than just the physical aspect of this job, much more than long working hours in extreme heat, lifting heavy equipment, being responsible for others underwater and dealing with people that think that the fact that they have money to spend their holidays in 5* resort and go diving several times a day make them superior from you – I promise you that there is much more than that.
I fell empty inside, I feel like I’m not doing anything to fulfil my creative side that I got lost somewhere in between the jobs and lost the track of what I really want from life. The fact that other people can work 9 hours a day, 6 days per week and be happy with that doesn’t mean that I can. In the beginning I thought that maybe it comes from being lazy but after a while I understood that it has nothing to do with that; as much as I love diving and as grateful I am to be able to live this experience I want to have a life that will be a bit more than just working, eating and sleeping. Period.
I want to have time for writing and reading. I want to have time for taking and editing pictures, for doing yoga and for having a dinner with a friend once in a while. I want to have time for watching YouTube videos and I want to have time for learning. Now, although I wake up at 5 am almost every day, I still don’t have enough time for any of those things. Obviously something has to change.
The summer is about to end but I feel like I’m waking up from a long winter sleep. Time of deciding what to do next has come again and although I still don’t know exactly what my next step gonna be I feel that I made the most out of my current experience and it’s a time to move on. So…as always, wish me luck 😉